I've been writing the Bottom Shelf for less than a year, but I've been preparing for it my entire adult life. I've become pretty well desensitized to the shudders and whimpers that can accompany bouts with fortified wines, flavored vodkas, 99-cent schnappses, and the like. I feel the pain like any other mortal, but I'm not deterred by it. I don't even consider something "bum wine" anymore unless it was fermented using actual bum parts. More

Your costume's ready, down to the fake blood and creepy contact lenses—but if your Halloween party doesn't include a pumpkin cocktail, it's really not complete. We asked a few of our favorite bartenders, including Jessica Gonzalez of Death & Co. in New York, Rhiannon Enlil of Cure in New Orleans, and Adam Robinson of The Bent Brick in Portland, OR, to help us out with a few delicious pumpkin-spiked drinks to help you celebrate. Check out the drinks (and get the recipes) in the slideshow. More

Looking for something for the kids to drink while you're celebrating fall with pumpkin beer? This seasonal soda from Portland, Maine's Maine Root smells like freshly grated nutmeg and clove, and tastes somewhere between cream soda and ginger beer with enough spices to evoke your favorite fall squash pie. More

I had a happy enough childhood by most reasonable measures. My parents were nice people who didn't much care for children but loved and provided for me anyway. I give them a lot of credit for that, because it's easy to devote your life to raising your children if you happen to be wired to do so. My parents, despite their extreme youth, didn't know how to relate to children very well, which is why I was lucky enough to be raised as a miniature adult. Adults are WAY cooler than kids. More

Surely jack-o-lantern-flavored, cinnamon-perfumed beer isn't serious beer. We tried seven pumpkin beers, and as it turns out, some were actually pretty good—especially with a bowl of chili. More

When it comes to Halloween wine, of course it's as important as ever that the wine is good value and tastes great. That's the treats part of trick-or-treat. But how about the wine's costume? For me, the trick to Halloween wine is to find one that is not only affordable and tasty--it has to have a label that's perfect for the Witching Hour, too. More