"Quite a few years ago when I was new to tending bar a lady walked into the bar that I was working at the time. It was a Tuesday afternoon after the lunch rush and there wasn’t a guest in the joint. I was doing my afternoon prep when this older woman, probably 55-60 who was wearing a fanny pack, holding a white trash bag tied in a knot and slightly unkempt, walked in. She sat at the bar and pulled out 8 bucks and ordered an Irish coffee in the middle of summer. A two-for-one cocktail I guess. At this point, I figured I would serve her because no one was in the place and she’d be in and out in no time. One and done.
She proceeds to sip on the coffee while talking to herself, getting crazier by the second. She finally turned her conversation with herself into an argument, at which point I asked her kindly if she could finish her drink and leave. She didn’t respond but continued to get louder and louder, at this point without having any more of her coffee. Finally, I pulled her drink away as I refunded her $8, letting her know that it was time for her to leave. She didn’t seem to like that. She grabbed her bag off of the stool, stood up, reached towards her eye socket and removed her glass eye and set it on the bar. I was shocked! I pointed towards the door and asked her one more time to leave. You can’t make that up!" — JP Cornell (Tony’s Pizza Napoletana)
NYPD and the ER
"We asked a group to leave one night, and they did, but upon exiting one of the group thought it would be a good idea to kick out one of the panes of glass in the garage door that made up the front of the bar. They all ran and hopped in a cab, we chased, catching up to them and surrounding the car when it came to the stop light at the end of the block. The NYPD were there in a heartbeat and she was arrested, but instead of going to jail that night she was taken to the hospital to get treatment for the huge gash on her foot that was squirting blood all over the place." —Adam Robinson (The Bent Brick)
"This kid came in drunk and sat down with his girlfriend at Amis. She got up to go to the bathroom right away and he immediately poured something into his water glass from a flask and downed it. One of our managers walked over and told him he didn't want to embarrass him in front of his date, so please find a reason to leave or we would have to ask him to. He pleaded and pleaded saying "You can't do this to me man, it will be soooo bad, you just can't. Please don't. I mean it, it will be so bad."
So I told him I’d be right back with their coats. The girlfriend came back as I was getting them, and as soon as I approached the table she sprung up and started apologizing profusely for her date. He took a different approach by standing up, ripping the coats out of my hand, and screaming. Spit was flying out of his mouth he was so angry. So I grabbed his arm and walked him to the door and the whole time he was just screaming in my face. The moment they were outside they immediately turned away from each other and walked briskly in opposite directions!" — Steve Wildy (Amis)
I'll Get Ya!
"When I use to work at dive bars, kicking people out was a regular occurrence. One day I had switched out this gentlemen's beer out for a ice water and he decided to scream, yell, and then try to toss the pint of water at me but missed and then fell out of his barstool screaming how he was going to "get me". As my regulars escorted him out he told them how he would be back for all of us as he slipped walking up the stairs to his apartment. He then came in 24 hours later to apologize to the entire bar." —Junior Ryan (Clyde Common)
Fell Down the Stairs
"I worked a bar that was upstairs in an historic building. One of my regulars came in a bit drunk and I wouldn't serve him. He tried to start a conversation with some ladies at the bar and offended them. I had him pay their bar tab before I escorted him out. At the top of the stairs he tripped and fell. Down the stairs! Thank God he was all right but, when I got back to the bar, silence. Everyone thought I had thrown him down the stairs! I never had to ask someone to leave at that bar again." — Tom Brown ( Passenger )
No Third Chance
"All I want is for you to have a good time tonight AND tomorrow. If you have too many I'll cut you off and offer you water. If you get belligerent I'll ask you to leave. Everyone goes over the line from time to time and I always say things like "I'd love to see you another time but for tonight we're done" as I escort you to the door. I'll excuse you once with no repercussions so there's no bad feelings about coming back in. The second offense will include a quick one-on-one chat the next time you come in. There is no third time." — Sother Teague (Amor y Amargo, Booker + Dax; @CreativeDrunk )
"I once had to kick someone out of the bar because he was convinced that he was in the FBI. It was kinda funny at first when he'd say 'Look at me… there's something serious going down tonight and I need to know that we're on the same page' but then it just got weird and relentless… Security. We have great security. Ha." — Kahil Nayton ( Larry Lawrence, Terminal 5 )
Red Sox Opener
"Yes, opening day of the Red Sox for 45-60 year-old men is like frat day at the old college. I had a guy come in (50+) and ask for two Mai Tais—he was alone—and proceed to start eating the bar fruit and olives as if it were an all-you-can-eat buffet at the local hash joint. And opened a bottle of club soda to wash down the free eats and looked at me with wonder when I told him to get the hell out." —Todd Maul (Clio)
Carried Him Out
"A few years ago I worked in a basement bar and I had to remove a guy one night. Unfortunately for me, he didn't want to go so I had to call for backup. It took four of us to get him up the stairs—one manning each limb, but he wriggled and twisted and squirmed and tried to kick us and bite us and spit at us all the way. When we got him outside we dropped him, literally, on the pavement.
Six months later I saw him walk into the pub from which he was, obviously, barred. He saw me from the door and shouted "Am I still barred?"
And with that, he turned on his heel and walked out!
—John Cummins (The Dawson Lounge)